AWAKENED

The Little One woke up at 5 am this morning and I was thrilled. He'd slept through the night again - a solid nine hours straight. As I sat in the dark and silent house feeding him, I started to laugh.

No, the Little One did not crack a joke he'd been waiting all night to tell me. I laughed because I realized the irony. It was 5 a.m. and, in spite of the fact that most of the world around me was still asleep and that I was exhausted beyond words, I also was a proud Mama Bear. I thought about how funny it is the way life changes us through experiences over the years.

Until now, I cursed the early morning. When I was a child, all I cared about was that I did not like my early, parent-imposed bedtime. Then, as a teen, my friends and I had a bad habit of staying up until three in the morning and then sleeping past noon.

As a college student I hated that some of my required classes started at 8 a.m., meaning that I had to roll out of bed at a then ghastly 7 a.m. A few years later I jumped for joy on the weekends when we had no responsibilities that required us to set an alarm clock. We woke gradually around 9 usually, but dozed longer if we were out late the night before.

And here I am, a parent, ready to feed, clothe and clean my son in that wee hour. The change makes me wonder about the passage of time and what I have to gain by thinking or writing about it. I also thought about how my life is no longer tied to a clock or a timeline. And I think about my great aunt, Tia Maria, and the simple lesson she taught me.

Tia lived to be 95 years young. Once during a visit, I asked her what her secret to a long life was. At that time she was already well into her nineties. She shrugged her shoulders and then said, "I just don't think about it." Tia went on to explain that she was just grateful to wake up every day. She didn't imply that this was a thought that only came to her as she reached her final years. I got the sense it was something she felt every day of her life.

So, going forward, regardless of the time my eyes open and whether it is a restful and natural awakening or one brought on by a buzzing alarm clock or a chatty, crying baby, I'm going to say, "Thank you."